tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41129905875006563672024-03-14T01:10:29.396-07:00Tagalog jokesCompilation of the best pinoy jokes tagalog, tagalog love quotes, tagalog jokes, sms text, pinoy quotes, text quotes, pinoy jokes tagalog, green jokes, humor jokes, tagalog funny quotes, pinoy jokes 2014, erap jokes, funny pinoy joke, pinoy text jokes, pinoy joke, jokes pinoy, most funniest jokes, pinoyjokes and filipino joke and Newest Jokes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger253125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-88061513821455013062016-01-16T00:34:00.003-08:002016-01-16T00:34:37.994-08:00Asawa ni BabaluSHOUTOUT NGA PALA DUN SA KASABAY KO SA JEEP NA BABAE AT LALAKE.<br />
<br />
Mula pagsakay ko ng jeep, hinaharot na nung girl yung boy, panay halik, panay yakap at maya maya pa biglang tinaas nung babae yung damit niya sabay inalis yung bra na parang wlang nakakakitang iba, tapos yung lalaki bgla nyang sinubo yung boobs!<br />
<br />
Mukang medyo bata pa yung babae siguro nasa 24yrs old tapos yung lalaki 6months na ata.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-74813859281462348472016-01-04T21:19:00.000-08:002016-01-04T21:19:09.624-08:002016 Jokes na nakakakilabotGRABE!<br />
<br />
Guys! Be AWARE!<br />
<br />
EKSENA SA LOOB NG JEEPNEY!<br />
<br />
NAKAKAKILABOT!<br />
<br />
Mag ingat sa pag sakay ng jeep, lalung-lalo na po sa gabi.<br />
<br />
Isang gabi sumakay ako ng jeep.<br />
Lahat ng pasahero nakatitig sa akin.<br />
Walang umiimik. Weird man po yung pakiramdam, di na ako bumaba. Dahil nakasanayan ko namang magbayad pagkasakay inilabas ko ang bayad ko at sinabing:<br />
<br />
"Ma, bayad po, sa Sandigang Bayan lang."<br />
<br />
Pero lahat nakatingin padin sakin. Wala pa ding umiimik. Yung isa bumulong sa katabi.<br />
<br />
Naiirita kong sinabi: "PWEDE PONG PAKIABOT ANG BAYAD?!"<br />
<br />
Pero, lahat sila nakatingin padin sakin.<br />
<br />
Maya-maya, may isang matandang babae ang umusog palapit sa akin at bumulong:<br />
<br />
"Hindi ka na dapat naparito iho. Umalis ka<br />
na habang hindi pa nakakaalis ito sasakyan.<br />
kung hindi, pagsisisihan mo ang pwedeng mangyari. Hindi kana makakauwi sa<br />
inyo."<br />
<br />
Napalunok ako, pinagpawisan ng malapot at sumagot:<br />
<br />
"Ano ho ang ibig niyong sabihin?"<br />
<br />
Ang sagot niya:<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
"INARKILA NAMiN TO. MAGNANIGHT SWIMMING KAMI! TANGA KA?!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-600144747632095402015-09-03T19:10:00.000-07:002015-09-03T19:10:02.488-07:00Balikbayan BoxAng LOVE ay parang Balikbayan box.. Nababawasan pag pinakealaman ng ibaUnknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-8396462884461319062015-09-03T18:55:00.003-07:002015-09-03T18:55:16.176-07:00Feeling gwapowag po natin sisihin ang mga salamin...<br />
<br />
dahil ang mga mukha lang po natin ang talaga lang gumugulat sa atin....<br />
<br />
tulad lang po ng nangayari sa akin kagabi.... gulat na gulat po ako<br />
sa nakita ko sa salamin na ako pala yung guwapong yun..Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-83201401544488793472015-09-03T18:53:00.004-07:002015-09-03T18:53:55.241-07:00Papauwi na ako kanina, may nag alok ng sex with a hot model daw.<br />
<br />
Ang kapalit lang daw non mag advertise ako ng isang bathroom cleaner dito sa Facebook.<br />
Siyempre hindi ako pumayag.<br />
<br />
Mataas moral ko!<br />
<br />
Ano ako uto-uto!?<br />
<br />
Sex lang yan. Malakas ang<br />
control ko!<br />
<br />
Kasing lakas ng DOMEX, the incredibly strong bathroom cleaner na talagang nakakalinis at nakakapatay ng germs at available pa yan in Lemon scent in 9.50 pesos nalang 30% discount.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-28703732170324719232015-03-31T23:48:00.000-07:002015-03-31T23:48:10.203-07:00The eyeball<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBEgYK8M9nPW6fNApE-Sy8covUMSF8sXAPRHm8BiT6AhNmc1raaAssNMgoeb69ZkkLJddkXEhDbRLpCX38yhIRLYs_DGuu2Oh20o0r1m0iK2SFKiF_VIxNrgMp_hO4_OMO_EzDUlth2G4/s1600/tagalog+jokes.jpg" height="285" width="400" /></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-2995241794769075432015-03-31T23:43:00.002-07:002015-03-31T23:43:23.582-07:00Dad and Son<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikueFaLX7o8EUh-gTEZ_4czndIKVvs0Gwab_acqGbEgEZGsCpfa73norLOrJ8A224PV6MTOQ84XBwOkWuHwdoDnLQ2VLwV_-HMhBgBlt6qgwrt1-gkX1MOTSqtpZclMzY1kOF9V_6Bis4/s1600/tagalog+jokes.jpg" height="308" width="400" /></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-74969991278916244092015-03-28T18:29:00.003-07:002015-03-28T18:36:12.825-07:00Robot in the Philippines<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQNHQBv0CFRLVpZYhyt0kQ1CKPw99kLn84SKl4gES0LV0guSjtZjWWxjKcMwJd08ebvMLxiFhDUc4hQ6idY2YoVFEefa4XKWy37cILfxKtGXR8yJqXQlRXGqfn8isrTGKyaXWPA21p2x8/s1600/robot.jpg" height="400" width="367" /></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-49056676300482540292015-02-15T23:08:00.001-08:002015-02-15T23:08:41.280-08:00Math ClassTeacher: Find the value of " X "<br />
-<br />
-<br />
-<br />
Juan: Aysus!! Ma'am hindi na dapat hinahanap ang value ng X,<br />
X na nga eh! Dapat ang ituturo mo po sa amin, kung paano<br />
mag MOVE ON!! Hindi kung anu-ano ang ipinapaalala mo po sa amin!<br />
past is Past ! No need to discuss..Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-15048387295609798192015-02-15T23:07:00.003-08:002015-02-15T23:07:58.523-08:00Facebook ChattingMagsyota nag chat sa FB..<br />
<br />
GF: bhe, di na ako magtatagal, log out na ako<br />
kasi nagalit si papa eh. Imumudmud daw nia<br />
mukha ko sa keyboard kung di pa ako<br />
aalisngayon.<br />
<br />
BF: aiiii! gusto ko pang makipagchat sayo<br />
<br />
GF: Di na pwedi bhe kasi imumuddjskigjdh<br />
dkj165jfjcklgsipgkfkfkdqhogkjfsplmnbvzxadh<br />
fwkofefo65hfksjot489cdif0csaqplkhfch<br />
hfhts1gvjsporqfofhggkgufkklgsr<br />
ffjsat63ckvs8hkfhjsgo.gdjgaeoh<br />
qujsjkosqyoffifeuhdq<br />
gisj1vk6bdbmasjgfqwpotfjxhhjfs<br />
kghspp9gdkkssjirfgoosarkjddhyetiicdolffsayiib<br />
gigfiueeejoguggguuydtjgg...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-13938959519150282502015-02-15T23:05:00.001-08:002015-02-15T23:05:39.764-08:00FAther and SonANAK : Tay , hihingi sana ako ng 500 ? ?<br />
<br />
TATAY : Ano 400 ? ! ang laki naman ng 300 na hinihingi mo ! !<br />
Anong gagawin mo sa 200 ? ?<br />
Kala mo ba madali lang maghanap ng 100 ? !<br />
50 nga hirap ko na kitain , 20 pa kaya ?<br />
Pasalamat ka may 10 pesos pa ako oh eto 5 . . .<br />
<br />
ANAK : Akin na ! ! baka maging piso pa yan ! !Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-49389692730075902392015-02-15T22:58:00.002-08:002015-02-15T22:58:11.538-08:00StudyingBINATA: Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo.<br />
<br />
ALE: Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya.<br />
<br />
BINATA: Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-35050562747565465922015-02-15T22:46:00.000-08:002015-02-15T22:46:09.571-08:00FairytalesLOLA: Iho, ako ay isinumpa. Isa akong prinsesa. Kung ako ay iyong hahalikan ng 15 minuto babalik ako sa maganda kong anyo at tuluyang mapuputol ang sumpa.<br />
<br />
(Makaraan ang 15 mins...)<br />
<br />
LALAKE: Yan, tapos na. Bakit di ka pa rin nagpapalit ng anyo?!<br />
<br />
LOLA: Ilang taon ka na iho?<br />
<br />
LALAKE: 30 na ho.<br />
<br />
LOLA: Yang tanda mong yan naniniwala ka pa sa fairy tale?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-36052467812652199682015-02-15T22:37:00.003-08:002015-02-15T22:37:14.859-08:00Nag-shopping si NanayDinalaw ng anak yung tatay niya sa kulungan..<br />
<br />
TATAY: Anak, bakit ikaw lang mag-isa ang dumadalaw<br />
sakin dito? Bakit hindi mo kasama ang nanay?<br />
<br />
ANAK: Tay, nagsha-shopping po si inay…<br />
<br />
TATAY: Aba ang dami yatang pera ng nanay mo, san<br />
naman siya kumuha ng pera?<br />
<br />
ANAK: Yung pabuya po sa inyo.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-31562325512057566442014-12-06T19:46:00.003-08:002014-12-06T19:46:32.035-08:00Lolo and Lola Jokes<b>Lolo:</b> Ano kaya ibalik natin ang nakaraan nung bago pa lang tayo magshota??<br />
<b>Lola:</b> oh cge…<br />
<b>Lolo: </b>sige bukas dun tayo magkita sa dati nating tagpuan ha!<br />
<b>Lola:</b> oo! hintayin mo nalang ako dun.<br />
<br />
(Naghintay si Lolo sa may tabing ilog dala ang 3 rosas with tsokolate. maghapon si lolo naghintay ngunit walang dumating. kaya umuwi na lang siya. pagdating sa bahay nadatnan si lola nakahiga at tumatawa)<br />
<br />
<b>Lolo:</b> bakit di mo ko sinipot?<br />
<b>Lola:</b> di ako pinayagan ni Mommy!!<br />
Toingks…Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-18569506690616932082014-12-06T19:44:00.002-08:002014-12-06T19:44:16.290-08:00The Teeth Jokes<b>Lolo:</b> Astig ngipin mo hijo, parang exam.<br />
<b>Apo: </b>bakit lolo?<br />
<b>Lolo:</b> One seat apart.<br />
<b>Apo:</b> Kayo din lolo, ngipin nyo astig, parang test.<br />
<b>Lolo:</b> bakit hijo?<br />
<b>Apo. </b>Fill in the blanks.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-52179918123214180222014-12-06T19:40:00.003-08:002014-12-06T19:40:50.119-08:00Payabangan ng Lolo Jokes: Chicks<b>Jimmy:</b> Pare ang tindi ng lolo ko, ang lakas ng appeal, biruin mo kahit matanda na lolo ko pag kumausap ng babae yun, nakukuha pa nya yung number ng babaeng kinausap nya!<br />
<br />
<b>Joey: </b>Pare sayo kinakausap pa? mas matindi appeal ng lolo ko, kasi yung lolo ko kikindatan at ngingitian lang nakukuha na agad yung number ng babae!<br />
<br />
<b>Aleng Maliit: </b>Ang hihina ng mga lolo nyo! yung lolo ko sya na nilalapitan ng mga babae, binibigay pa sa kanya yung mga number!<br />
<br />
<b>Jimmy: </b>Siguro napaka lakas ng appeal ng lolo mo! Gwaping siguro ano?<br />
<br />
<b>Aleng Maliit: </b>Hindi naman…<br />
<br />
<b>Joey: </b>Eh bakit nilalapitan sya at binibigyan sya ng number ng mga babae?<br />
<br />
<b>Aleng Maliit: </b>Eh nagloload lolo ko eh!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-45621593840165282462014-12-06T19:38:00.003-08:002014-12-06T19:38:55.451-08:00Payabangan ng Lolo sa Tipid<b>Bossing:</b> Alam mo ba pare yung lolo ko nung nagaaral pa yun sobra tipid nya, kasi yung<br />
baon nyang limang piso araw-araw natititpid pa nya, nakakapagtira pa sya ng dalawang piso!<br />
<br />
<b>Joey: </b>Ang tipid ng lolo mo pare pero wala yan sa lolo ko kasi alam mo ba nung nag-aaral pa yun nakakapagtira pa sya ng apat na piso galing sa limang piso nyang baon!<br />
<br />
<b>Aleng Maliit:</b> Hay naku ano ba yang mga lolo nyo mga gastador, ang luluho naman, alam nyo ba yung lolo ko nung nag-aaral pa yun, hindi yun nagastos kahit piso.<br />
<br />
<b>Bossing: </b>Grabe naman tipid ng lolo mo hindi nagastos kahit piso.<br />
<br />
<b>Aleng Maliit:</b> Oo kahit piso!<br />
<br />
<b>Joey:</b> Eh bakit ganun?<br />
<br />
<b>Aleng Maliit:</b> Eh wala namang baon lolo ko eh!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-18219596508360347732014-11-06T17:45:00.001-08:002014-11-06T17:46:35.293-08:00English-Filipino Dictionary JokesMapapa-isip ka talaga kung ano ang mga tagalog nito at siguradong mapapahagakhak ka pag naumpisahan mong basahin ang mga patok na jokes na to!<br />
<br />
TO WAITER: Isang uri ng social network site na pwede kang magfollow at mag-to wait.<br />
SURVEY TEST: Yung tagalog ng ICE CREAM.<br />
TIMELINE: Malungkot o walang sigla.. “Bakit ang TIMELINE mo?”<br />
I SCREAM: eto yung tinatawag nilang sorbetes.<br />
FOLLOWED: Ang sasabihin mo sa tindera ng load.<br />
FEARFUL: ung isa pang tawag sa color violet.<br />
KOREAN TEA: Yan yung nawawala pag nag- brown out.<br />
A TRUST: yung lalakad ng pabalik at kabaliktaran ng abante.<br />
MAKE DOUGH: Kalaban ng Jollibee.<br />
LAUGH IS: Yan yung ginagamit pang sulat.<br />
TWO WHILE YEAH: Yung ginagamit after maligo.<br />
SICK RATE: Mga bagay na hindi mo maaring sabihin sa iba.<br />
SI BEN 11: yung convenience store kung san ka bumibili ng slurpee.<br />
SHE FEEL YOU: Yan yung gamit mo pangtotoothbrush.<br />
PERSUADING: Ito yung unang kasal.<br />
VAIN TEA: Yan ang presyo ng Cornetto.<br />
GRABE TEH!: Is the force that causes two particles to pull towards each other.<br />
LOW FEET: Sinasabi kapag nakakita ng astig na pangyayari o bagay. Ang Low Feet!<br />
DEDUCT: Ang Pato.<br />
CHECK IN: Kadalasang ginagawang adobo at afritada. English term ng Manok.<br />
DUE CARE: Kalaban ni Batman.<br />
SHE KISS: Dyan makakabili ng pizza. Kalaban ng Pizza Hut.<br />
DEPRESS: Yan yung English term ng “Ang Pari”.<br />
HAVE A: Yan yung sinasabi kapag maganda at benta yung joke.<br />
MALICIOUS: Yung mali yung nasuot mong sapatos.<br />
MY DOLL: Yan yung tinatanggap ng mga matatalinong mag-aaral.<br />
THE VALUE: Yung susunod sa letrang “V”.<br />
CALL THERE OH!: Yung gamit sa pagluluto ng kanin.<br />
LOVE BEEN THERE: Favorite color ko. Light color ng violet<br />
STD: Yung hindi ka gagalaw.<br />
FAUCET: Isang uri ng lamang dagat na may galamay.<br />
IN SEX: Example nito ay ants, bees, bugs etc<br />
SHE CAN: English term ng manok.<br />
CITY: Ito ay bago mag-Otsu. City.<br />
A LIE: Sinasabi ng mga Chinese kapag nasasaktan.<br />
LOVING A NAME: Yan yung kasunod sa Labinlima.<br />
TO WAIT: tunog na nililikha ng ibon. To wait, to wait.<br />
INNER ROW: Yan yung kasunod ng Pebrerow, Marsow, Abril, Mayow.<br />
THE EGG: Kapag mag magaling siya sa iyo. The Egg ka niya.<br />
CONTEMPLATE: Kapag hindi ganun karami ang mga plato sa kusina niyo. Contemplate.<br />
COCONUT: Yan ang mangyayari sa chicharong nakabukas ng matagal.<br />
EFFORT: Dito lumalapag ang airplane.<br />
COPY PASTE BOOK: Kapag sobra ka sa pagpeFACEBOOK, sasabihin sayo ng nanay mo “Itigil mo na nga yang Copy Paste Book Mo!”Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-52765933541488359902014-11-05T01:11:00.003-08:002014-11-06T18:42:51.248-08:00Tagalog Jokes na patok sa 2015Isang bahay may nakasulat na "Ice for sale"<br />
BATA: "Pabili!"<br />
YAYA: "Ano bibilin mo?"<br />
BATA: "Kendi nga po."<br />
YAYA: "Wala."<br />
BATA: "Coke"<br />
YAYA: "Wala!"<br />
BATA: "Juice"<br />
YAYA: "Wala nga! Kita mong "Ice for sale" yung nakasulat, malamang Ice lang tinitinda namin!! tanga mo talaga!"<br />
BATA: "Ikaw nga ung mas tanga kita mong ice lang tinitinda nyo nagtatanong ka pa kung ano bibilhin ko tanga!"<br />
<br />
NEWSBOY: "Dyaryo kayo dyan! Dalawang bading ang naloko! Diyaryo! Diyaryo!"<br />
BAKLA: "Hi! Pabili nga ng diyaryo! Magkano?"<br />
NEWSBOY: "Twelb pesos po."<br />
BAKLA: (ginalugad agad ang diyaryo) "Hoy! Wala naman akong mabasang dalawang bading na naloko dito ah!"<br />
NEWSBOY: "Diyaryo! Diyaryo! Tatlong Bading ang naloko. Diyaryo kayo dyan!"<br />
<br />
Nipa hut, even though it is small, the plants there are various. Turnip and eggplant, winged bean and peanut, string bean, hyacinth bean, lima bean. Wax guard, loofah, white squash and pumpkin. And there are also radish, mustard, onion, tomato, garlic and ginger. And all around are full of sesame seeds.<br />
Hahaha wag mo basahin BAHAY KUBO yan kantahin mo! Haha<br />
<br />
Nag uusap ang Lola at Ang Apo tungkol sa Pamana:<br />
Lola: Apo, alam mo na matanda na ako, malapit na akong mamatay, Ipapamana ko sa iyo ang aking Sakahan, Prutasan, Bahay at ang mga alaga kong Hayop.<br />
Apo: Laking pasasalamat ko po Lola, Saan po Yun?<br />
Lola: Sa Facebook Apo,<br />
<br />
Isang araw may nangingisda sa parke ang isang probinsyanong si Juan...<br />
Nakita sxa ng guard..<br />
Guard: hoi!!! Bawal mamingwit dyan... Hindi mo ba nakikita at nababsa? ''NO FISHING ALLOWED''<br />
Juan: grabe ka naman... Pinapa liguan ko lang naman ang uod ko eh...<br /><!-- Zone Tag : Tagalog Jokes 300 x 250 pinoy jokes 2014 -->
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<br />
MATH CLASS:<br />
GURO: juan, kung ako ay may 5 anak sa unang asawa at 7 naman sa pangalawa at 3 sa pangatlo, meron akong?<br />
JUAN: Kalandian po! Isa kang kerengkeng ma'am, malandi ka, haliparot, pokpok, imoral!<br />
GURO: umupo ka, tang ina mo! Di ka makakapasa gago!<br />
<br />
JUAN: Pare, whats your biggest fantasy?<br />
PEDRO: to be kissed by someone in the rain, how about you?<br />
JUAN: to be that someone pare.<br />
<br />
Mom: anak lutuin mo nga gulay na to.<br />
Anak: mamaya na ginagwa ko pa tong saranggola..<br />
Mom: punyeta bakit makakain mo ba yang saranggola mo?.!<br />
Anak: hindi bakt lilipad ba yang gulay mo?!..<br />
Mom: hndi..<br />
Anak: hindi pala eh.. umayos ka nay kung ayaw mong kaw paliparin ko...<br />
<br />
Isang bata nag pass ng blank paper sa art teacher<br />
Teacher: bkt blank ang papel mo?<br />
Bata: nag drawing po aq ng baka at damo.<br />
Teacher: (tningnn ang ppel) san ang damo?<br />
Bata: ubos na po,kinain ng baka.<br />
Teacher: (kamot s ulo) e na saan yong baka?<br />
Bata: ano pa gagawin ng baka dyan e wala ng damo? sympre umalis na. common sense naman ma'am!<br />
<br />
May tatlong bampira sa bar.<br />
RICH VAMPIRE: oorder ako ng fresh blood. ORDINARY VAMPIRE: sakin isang order na dinuguan.<br />
POOR VAMPIRE: hot water na lang sakin.<br />
WAITER: bkit hot water lang po.?<br />
POOR VAMPIRE: naka pulot kasi ako ng napkin sa kanto. Mag-tsa tsaa na lang ako.<br />
<br />
BATA: "Ate kpag wala ka bang tenga, maghihikaw ka?"<br />
ATE: "Syempre hindi!"<br />
BATA: "eh pag wala kang daliri magsisingsing ka?"<br />
ATE: "Syempre hindi din!"<br />
BATA: "Eh bakit ka nagba-bra? Feel mo lang? ganon?!"<br />
ATE: Fuck you!<br />
<br />
PEDRO: "Pare, ano yung nababalitaan ko na sinabi mo sa syota ko na SUPOT ako!"<br />
JUAN: "Di totoo yan pare,ang sinabi ko malapit ka ng TULIIN!"<br />
PEDRO: "Ah ganun ba,sori! akala ko binuko mo na ako eh!"<br />
<br />
buLag at duLing magsusuntukan!<br />
buLag: hay0p ka duLing! Lumabas ka dyan,wag kang mgtago sa diLim!<br />
duLing: in ur dreams! bkt aq lalaBas eh<br />
daLawa kau! =<br />
<br />
Sabi ng mga pangit:<br />
"what is beauty if your brain is empty?" ganti ng mga magaganda at gwap0:<br />
"what is knowledge if your face is damage?<br />
<br />
WHEN I DIE..<br />
I DON'T WANT "R.I.P." INITIALS ON MY TOMBSTONE.<br />
ANG GUSTO KO, "I.S.R."<br />
"I SHALL RETURN"<br />
<br />
TEACHER: give me colors dat begin w/ letter M.<br />
PUPIL: maroon!<br />
Teacher:anybody else?<br />
NGONGO: Mlue, Mlawn,Mlack,Mink,Maiolet. Teacher: melly ngud.. malakmakan!<br />
<br />
B0y: mis.. Tanim kaba?<br />
Girl: k0rny m0h..cge nga bakit?<br />
B0y: paa m0 puro ugat..<br />
<br />
Girl: alam mo para kang bisyo.<br />
Boy:(kilig) dahil hindi mo ako maiwasan?<br />
Girl: hindi n0h.! Dahil sinisira mo buhay ko!!<br />
<br />
GIRL: Ang puti ng bird mo!<br />
BOY : Abasyempre! Likas papaya ata gamit ko dyan!<br />
GIRL: Ginagamitan mo din ba ng downy yan? BOY : Bakit, bango ba?<br />
GIRL: hindi ang Lambot eh!<br />
<br />
JUAN: pare ang bilis qng nbuo ang puzzle nato!<br />
PEDRO:gaano ka tagal?<br />
JUAN:5 months!<br />
PEDRO: ang tagal naman!<br />
JUAN:matagal nb un! sbe pa nga d2 eh, "FOR 3 YEARS AND UP"<br />
<br />
Boy: Baril ka ba?<br />
Girl: Alam ko na yan dahil tinamaan ka sakin? Boy: Hindi!<br />
Girl: Eh ano?<br />
Boy: Ang lakas ng putok mo!<br />
<br />
Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko, kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya<br />
Jorge: Anong resulta?<br />
Tomas: a yun! Nabawasan ng sampung kilo yung kabayo!<br />
<br />
Ba kit masarap magmahal ang mga taong mahilig magpatawa?<br />
#1 Ngiti pa lang niya, panalo na.<br />
#2 Lagi kayong masaya kahit problemado na. #3 Magaling magdala kahit sablay na.<br />
#4 Hindi ka talaga tatanda sa katatawa.<br />
#5 Pag naging seryoso, talagang tatamaan ka.<br />
#6 Sigurado, malalahian ka ng matalino. Mahirap yatang mag- isip para lang makapagpatawa.<br />
#7 Kahit nasaktan mo na, feeling mo, okey lang sa kanya. Hindi mo alam, halos mamatay na siya kung paano niya ilalabas ang luha niya, dahil mas importante sa kanya na lagi kang masaya.<br />
<br />
Isang bata ang inutusan para bumuli sa isang Store ng Juice na nasa Sachet<br />
Bata: Ale, pabili nga po ng isang Juice na nasa Litro Pack.<br />
Tindera: Yung powder ba?<br />
Sagot ng Bata: Bat Ate, may bareta ba kayong Juice?..<br />
<br />
sumakay si pedro sa jeep pagka-upo niya bigla siyang napa utot sabi ni pedro sa sarili,<br />
mabuti na lang may music hindi nila malalaman kung sino ang umutot sabay tawa haha,<br />
bawat utot ni pedro sabay sa music<br />
ng pababa na si pedro bigla niyang naalala naka head set pala siya at na ka tingin lahat ng pasahero sa kanya sabay kamot sa ulo.<br />
<br />
Sa Isang Jeep<br />
Pasahero: Mama, Magkano Po Yung Pasahe?<br />
Driver: 7.50 Yung Minimum<br />
Pasahero: (Dumukot Ito Sa Bulsa Para Kunin Yung Pera Niya, Ngunit sa Di Sinasadyang Dahilan Kulang Yung Pamasahe Niya.) Patay, Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Paano Kaya Ito? (Nag Isip Ito At Lumingon Sa<br />
Driver. Napansin Niya Na Duling Ito. Sabi Niya Sa Kanyang Sarili, Tama Duling Yung Driver Sigurado Pag Nagbigay Ako Ng 3.75 di Niya Mapapansin Na Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Kasi Doble Yung Paningin Nito. Inabot Niya Sa Driver Yung Pera. Ngunit Laking Gulat Niya Nung May Sinabi Yung Driver Sa Kanya. Driver: Kulang Ito!<br />
Pasahero: Anong Kulang? Di Ba Sabi Mo 7.50 Yung Minimum?<br />
Driver: Oo Nga 7.50 eh Dalawa Kaya Kayo. Patay! Akala Mo Lusot Kana ha?<br />
<br />
Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo,<br />
isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.<br />
Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako."<br />
Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos.<br />
Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi:<br />
"boy, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain".<br />
Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin:<br />
"Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas".Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-43185922182964621382014-08-02T21:22:00.001-07:002014-08-02T21:22:58.123-07:00Filipino Tagalog - English Translation1. Achuchuchu (A-chu-chu-chu): This refers to the pointless insincerities being said during long, involved conversations about nothing at all.<br />
<br />
2. Ano (A-noh): The all-around, all-purpose word for everything.<br />
(1) Pronoun in interrogation: Ano? (What)<br />
(2) Noun: Where is your ano? (Where is your father/mother/dead-uncle's-second-cousin)<br />
(3) Verb: Anuhin this. (Paint/kill/maim/castrate this.)<br />
(4) Adjective: This is so ano. (This is so pretty/big/astounding.)<br />
(5) Interjection: Ano! (What the hell!)<br />
(6) Substitute for genitalia: Did you ano your ano?<br />
The use of ano is quite dangerous for the untrained ear, and must be put into the proper setting. "Honey, the ano is too long, we have to cut it," must be accompanied by the proper understanding of the context, as results may be critical to a couple's future.<br />
<br />
3. Booba (boo-bah): A female blessed with larger than usual mammary glands, which can be used as weapons of mass destruction.<br />
<br />
4. Checheboreche (Che-che-boh-re-che): Same as achuchuchu. It is interesting to ponder on the reason why there are so many words in the Filipino language that beautifully describe meaningless chatter.<br />
<br />
5. Epal (Eh-pal): An individual who believes he is God.<br />
<br />
6. Gigil (gee-gil): An uncontrollable desire to bite something.<br />
<br />
7. Hipon (Hee-pon): Literally "shrimp," whose body is eaten while its head is thrown away, this refers to a female/male whose body is to die for and whose face looks like it belongs to the dead.<br />
<br />
8. Kikay (kee-kay): Refers to individuals who carry a brush, hand wash, moisturizer, lip-gloss and various other facial enhancements in a case (aptly called a kikay kit) inside her bag. Recent inspections of various backpacks have led to the conclusion it is not a purely female trait. This breed cannot resist checking themselves out on mirrors, glass windows, bread knives, sidewalk puddles and plastic-covered notebooks.<br />
<br />
9. Kaek-ekan (Ka-ek-e-kahn): Same as achuchuchu and chechebureche.<br />
<br />
10. Kilig (keel-leg): A rush of excitement due to the actions, presence or even mention of he whom you see as the future father of your children.<br />
<br />
11. Laglag-brip (lag-lag-brip): The female counterpart of laglag-panti<br />
<br />
12. Laglag-panti (lag-lag-pan-tee): A man so incredibly hot, so heart-stoppingly gorgeous and oozing with masculinity that female underwear (whether worn by males or females) falls to the ground without effort whatsoever.<br />
<br />
13. Indyanero (In-jan-neh-ro): An individual who fails to appear at an appointment without prior warning. Not to be confused with individuals who appear according to Filipino time (approximately 10 minutes before the meeting is to end)<br />
<br />
14. Japorms (Jah-porms): Describes an individual dressed differently from the usual (typically involves clothes that have been laundered and pant legs of roughly the same length).<br />
<br />
15. Lagot (Lah-got): A prophesy of evil things to come.<br />
<br />
16. Para (Pah-rah): A term that informs the driver of a jeep to stop and pause (usually in the middle of the road) as the individual speaking intends to leave the vehicle. Dangerous for individuals as drivers seem to believe having one foot in the air is all that is necessary for descent.<br />
<br />
17. Takusa (Ta-kuh-sa): Derived from takot sa asawa (afraid of wife), this is a term used to describe the silent (very silent) minority of males married to feminine reincarnations of Hitler.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-2299174269447733252014-08-01T23:36:00.002-07:002014-08-01T23:36:48.548-07:00English naman! Sino kaya mag-nonose Bleed?Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year,<br />
<br />
And every year Bill would say,<br />
<br />
” Blanche, I’d like to ride in that helicopter ”<br />
<br />
Blanche always replied,<br />
<br />
” I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,<br />
<br />
And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! ”<br />
<br />
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,<br />
<br />
” Blanche, I’m 85 years old.<br />
<br />
If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance ”<br />
<br />
To this, Blanche replied,<br />
<br />
” Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks ”<br />
<br />
The pilot overheard the couple and said,<br />
<br />
” Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny!<br />
<br />
But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars. ”<br />
<br />
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.<br />
<br />
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.<br />
<br />
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,<br />
<br />
But still not a word…<br />
<br />
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,<br />
<br />
” By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.<br />
<br />
I’m impressed! ”<br />
<br />
Bill replied,<br />
<br />
” Well, to tell you the truth<br />
<br />
I almost said something when Blanche fell out, But you know,<br />
<br />
Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-57255183249078985272014-07-31T19:05:00.004-07:002014-07-31T19:05:30.010-07:00English Jokes muna tayo!Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.<br />
<br />
For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.<br />
<br />
For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.<br />
<br />
For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.<br />
<br />
As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-56688599638382447692014-07-31T02:19:00.003-07:002014-07-31T02:20:39.715-07:00Fish FilletPedro: Ano ulam nyo?<br />
<br />
Juan: <b>Blanched green leafy veggie with crushed sweet tomatoes in sparkling salted sea food</b>.<br />
<br />
Pedro: Wow! Ang sarap nun.! Ano un Juan?<br />
<br />
Juan: Talbos ng kamote at bagoong na may pinisang kamatis.. Kayo Pedro, Ano ulam nyo?<br />
<br />
Pedro: <b>Fish fillet del el ninyo</b>.<br />
<br />
Juan: Wow sosyal! Ano yun Pedro?<br />
<br />
Pedro: TUYO!<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112990587500656367.post-52165158917678560052014-07-29T21:26:00.002-07:002014-11-07T22:39:02.223-08:00Payabangan ng LoloBossing: Alam nyo, Sobarng flexible ng lolo ko. Sa sobrang flexible niya eh nakakaya niyang ipagkasya ang sarili nya sa isang container!<br />
<br />
Joey: Aba! Galing ah, pero alam mo, mas flexible diyan ang lolo ko! akalain mo,kasyang-kasya sya sa maliit na timba!<br />
<br />
Aleng Maliit: Sus! mga walang kwenta naman pala yang mga lolo nyo sa lolo ko eh! alam nyo, sa sobrang flexible nya,naipagkasya niya sarili niya sa tangke ng tubig namin.<br />
<br />
Bossing: Niloloko mo kami eh! eh kahit sino naman siguro kasya sa tangke ng tubig, ang laki-laki kaya nun.<br />
<br />
Joey: Oo nga eh, Bakit mo naman nasabi na flexible ang lolo mo?<br />
<br />
Aleng Maliit: Eh pagbukas namin ng gripo, lumalabas lolo ko! XD<!-- Zone Tag : Tagalog Jokes 300 x 250 pinoy jokes 2014 -->
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